Andy (The Suarpion) Reviews the San Diego River

When someone asks you to name a river, the first ones that come to mind are normally the Nile (not denial), the Thames, the Ganges(sp?), the Colorado and the good 'ol Mississip(pi). Why is that? Rivers like these evoke a sense of greatness, adventure, danger, mystery, crocodiles. But there's one river on this planet that gets no claim to fame, no recognition for being all of those things at once, and containing more dangerous things than crocodiles. That river (if you didn't look at the title) is the San Diego River.

Why go to the San Diego River? The San Diego River offers quality and variety to the tourist in need of a fresh look at wilderness. That's mainly because the wilderness surrounding the river (in most areas) has ceased to exist. Yes, all throughout the San Diego River one will find many of the following:

Bums
Sewage
Used needles
Minorities
Dead animals
Dead people
Disease
Clowns

Providing so much interest for the tourist, and even the local, how could you say no to the assortment of wonders the SDR has to offer? Need more proof? Well, this reporter has it.

After hiking through the hills of Mission Trails, one has the option of either remaining on the beaten path, successfully finding the road back to your family sedan or SUV, or you can disregard the Ranger's advice and the man at the top of the mountain's and thoroughly get yourself lost, finding what looks like a washed out trail leading you to a River crossing of a treacherous nature. Though the path be gone on your side, the beacon of escape and survival lie just on the other side of that smelly, hobo-infested, clown-ridden, minority-laden river of life. Escaping with your life adds to the alure of the SDR. Why, perhaps that's why so many illegals choose to wade through it in order to evade detection by the authorities! It's not the promise of a brighter future, it's the chance to take in the sweet aroma of feces and gutter-waste. Yes, the San Diego River has everything anyone could ever need in a River. The absence of boating, water-sports, or anything else that could be considered fun, keeps this pristine river flowing with (viral and bacterial) life and the promise of a clean future. Come visit today!

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